come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
