Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
