just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
3 2 1 whiskey
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
