Ambien. No doubt about it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
