Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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