Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
