tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
