Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
