I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
