I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
