i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
