Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
