There r osticjed everywhere
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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