Its about making memories worth repressing
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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