And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
