just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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