If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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