just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
