I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
