I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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