Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
