based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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