Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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