HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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