Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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