i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
