Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
