I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
