I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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