So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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