I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
