Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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