im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
