Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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