I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
