If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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