i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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