Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
