sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
