I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
