Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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