do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
