I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Barsexuality is the new black.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I checked into jail on foursquare
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
ttyl tear gas
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
