But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
