so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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