____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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