We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
