You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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