I could make wine with my vomit
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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