i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
