honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
