there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
