It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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