Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
