you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
