Moan for me like Helen Keller
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
